I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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