Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I want to be your penis for a week.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
