Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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