Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
