Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
