Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
