ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I checked into jail on foursquare
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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