the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
