She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Found the puke drawer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
