p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
