I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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