Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
