I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
