I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
