he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
