guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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