The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
