I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize