She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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