i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
worst night to have a conscience
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
