the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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