R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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