so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
