It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
