We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We won't sleep together?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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