I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
