Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
