weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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