I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
