I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
