Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
