I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
