4 words: hood of his car
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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