Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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