My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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