I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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