How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
