Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
