You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
