I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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