Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
