Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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