i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
