I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize