I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
