why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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