they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
