I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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