Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
