You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
