I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize