Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
