i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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