I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
