Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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