the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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