We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
