cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
