Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
