yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
