Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
