OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize