just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
