Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
