Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
