I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
