O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
