watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
