Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
