This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize