Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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